If You Don’t Try, You Will Never Know
Freshman year is quickly coming to an end with only four weeks left. It feels like just a month ago I was packing my bags into the trunk and crying out the window as we left my driveway. That was one of the hardest days of my life. I knew it was a new chapter in my life that would be the beginning of a new story but I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to leave my closely-knit family and experience dorm life. I don’t like change. I was excited but scared, sad but curious. Saying goodbye to my friends who had been there for me for the last ten years of my life, to know fun times would turn into memories and that everyone would be departing their own way and finding a new path was unimaginable. Everyone was so excited to leave the small town of Petaluma and leave their nagging parents and strict rules. I wasn’t. I just wasn’t ready. Still don’t know if I am.
Maybe that was the reason my transition was so hard. Maybe that is why I couldn’t open myself up and accept these changes. It was hard, probably one of the hardest times of my life so far. Being far away from home where I had no family or friends, where I couldn’t just go home for a nicely cooked meal and where support wasn’t just in the next room over. That was hard. I just wasn’t happy and all I wanted was to be happy again. I missed my family and friends, I missed my home but most of all I missed comfort. There was none here for me and I wanted to get out of here so bad. I began transfer apps and other options. I wasn’t even sure I was going to be able to come back for second semester. It was just too much change at once.
Second semester began and completely turned things around. I was done being upset, I was done crying to the point where I couldn’t stop, and I was just done with it. I came back for second semester with a new attitude, an idea that things could and would get better and they did. I can’t really explain how and why it happened but things just started coming together. Unneeded relationships from home were ended and my soon to be best friend entered my life. I am a strong believer of that quote, “when you have enough courage to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello” and that is exactly what happened. I guess things really do happen for a reason and I can honestly say I am the happiest I have been in a while.
Even though first semester was terrible, people were worried about me and I felt so lost and weak, like it was out of my control. But it taught me a lot and as much as I wanted to give up and go home or transfer, I am so happy I stuck through it because it changed me as a person and taught me a lot of good lessons. It taught me that no matter how hard things get, that they will get better. And I am honestly so proud I got through some of the toughest months of my life. It gives you a feeling that you can conquer anything. This experience showed me my true friends and family and how grateful I am for them. It also just made me a stronger person all around. I feel determined and lucky to be here now. You can tell it’s a good sign when you look forward to the future! The difference between semesters is night and day, my whole world changed around and I am so grateful for that. I am capable. Sometimes people need to fall down and get back up to realize that.
emmabaughman 